In leadership circles, we often glorify the alpha, the individual who dominates conversations, commands attention, and pushes for results at all costs. But emerging science and evolutionary history suggest that friendliness, not dominance, is the trait most linked to lasting success.
This isn’t soft leadership. It’s strategic, sustainable, and rooted in how humans and animals have thrived.
The Netflix documentary In the Mind of a Dog (inspired by Brian Hare’s research, notably from Survival of the Friendliest) explores how some species survived not by being the strongest, but by being the most cooperative. As early humans migrated out of Africa, they thrived by working together, sharing knowledge, tools, and protection. Meanwhile, certain wolf populations began scavenging near human camps, favoring friendliness over fear or aggression. These were the ancestors of dogs.
Dogs, who share over 99% of their DNA with wolves, developed an evolutionary edge: a unique muscle around the eyes that allows them to raise their inner eyebrow. This creates the “puppy dog eyes” effect, exposing the white of the eye (sclera), which humans are uniquely wired to respond to with empathy and care. This adaptation allowed dogs to build emotional bridges with humans, deepening connection and trust.
Now, let’s apply that to leadership.
Just as wolves adapted through proximity and trust, the best leaders today are those who adapt to connect. Relational leadership isn’t about being passive. It’s about knowing that trust, emotional connections, and kindness drive loyalty, innovation, and performance. As research in organizational psychology confirms, psychological safety and belonging are key predictors of high-performing teams (Google’s Project Aristotle, 2015).
Take the emperor penguin, one of the few terrestrial vertebrates to survive Antarctic winters. How? They endure through coordinated huddling, trading places and preserving group warmth. They don’t compete. They cooperate.
Dominance may deliver short-term gains. But leaders who build cultures of kindness and connection inspire commitment that lasts far beyond the next quarter. As evolutionary biology and behavioral science show us: it’s not survival of the fittest. It’s survival of the friendliest.
Lead with connection.
